Dear Rape Victim,
First, let me share this story with you.
Azalea was raped by her step father when she was as little as nine.
Today, she is a rape survivor and is determined to get on with her life. When Azalea was six, her parents got divorced and her mother got custody of her. Her mother moved on and got married to her new boyfriend. Her father had earlier accused her mother of having a secret affair with him while they were still married. That was the main reason why their marriage crashed.
Steve, Azalea’s step father raped and sexually abused her repeatedly and threatened to kill if she told anyone. He further cruelly told her that she had asked for it and that no one would believe her if she told anyone. His words killed her courage, leaving her afraid and vulnerable. When she finally got herself to tell her mother about the rape, her mother didn’t believe her. Instead, she believed Steve’s story that she had seduced him. Her mother threw her out, after calling her a ‘slut’. Azalea was very ashamed and severely heart broken by her mother’s action. She couldn’t tell anyone, she was filled with guilt and hatred. She tried to end her life by jumping in front of a moving bus. She was injured and hospitalized. During this hellish period, she met a counsellor who she confided in. That marked the beginning of her rehabilitation process.
Dealing with rape can be extremely difficult and frustrating. Victims go through a hard time and often experience:
» Shock and confusion
» Extremes of feeling: tearful, fearful, angry
» Strangely calm/detached/distant
» Constantly needing to wash. Feeling you cannot get your body clean.
» Suicidal feelings
» Flashbacks and nightmares reminding you what happened
» Feeling frightened of being alone and of being attacked again
» Severe mood swings including feeling hopeless and powerless
» Feelings of shame and self blame
» Feelings of isolation
Most rape victims also deal with the feeling of Guilt. It continues to eat them up. They keep thinking that they should have done something to prevent the occurrence or they must have done something that caused them to be raped(self blame). but what you should understand is that it wasn’t your fault that you got raped. You’re simply a victim of the unfortunate incident and you didn’t in anyway deserve what happened to you. Stop letting guilt kill you inside.
Also, most rape victims, especially male rape victims feel so ashamed to seek help. There is that fear of rejection, stigmatization, humiliation, being ostracized. Many are simply afraid that no one will belief them. the real truth is that no matter how strong you think you are, you cant deal with it on your own. You need help! The main step to moving on, as a rape victim, is getting trustworthy help. Don’t just keep all the hurt, guilt, pain, hate locked up inside. You’ll get a little relief by confiding in someone you can really trust, either family, friends, or seeking professional help. Telling someone and getting help actually helps liberate you from the extreme and vulnerable feelings that you get as a result of the incident. I came across this incredible site where rape victims and survivors share their stories and help each other move on. Its a very good way of moving on and being a survivor. Trying to move on is like fighting against ocean tides and drowning… you’ll need someone to pull you out.
Rape is cruel and evil and victims most times can not help but feel hate and anger towards their abusers or even seek revenge. However, holding on to these feelings continues to remind you of the incident and robs you of the chance to move on.
The golden rule of transforming from a victim to a survivor is ‘getting help’. Try not to deal with it on your own, please get help. If you feel no one cares or no one would listen, please Contact Me. I care, listen and do my best to help or link victims up with professional assistance.