A letter to Rape Victims

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image
victim of rape

    Dear Rape Victim,
           First, let me share this story with you.
     Azalea was raped by her step father when she was as little as nine.
Today, she is a rape survivor and is determined to get on with her life.  When Azalea was six, her parents got  divorced and her mother got custody of her. Her mother moved on and got married to her new boyfriend. Her father had earlier accused her mother of having a secret affair with him while they were still married. That was the main reason why their marriage crashed.
Steve, Azalea’s step father raped and sexually abused her repeatedly and threatened to kill if she told anyone. He further cruelly told her that she had asked for it and that no one would believe her if she told anyone. His words killed her courage, leaving her afraid and vulnerable. When she finally got herself to tell her mother about the rape, her mother didn’t believe her. Instead, she believed Steve’s story that she had seduced him. Her mother threw her out, after calling her a ‘slut’.  Azalea was very ashamed and severely heart broken by her mother’s action. She couldn’t tell anyone, she was filled with guilt and hatred. She tried to end her life by jumping in front of a moving bus. She was injured and hospitalized. During this hellish period, she met a counsellor who she confided in. That marked the beginning of her rehabilitation process.
           
        Dealing with rape can be extremely difficult and frustrating. Victims go through a hard time and often experience:
» Shock and confusion
» Extremes of feeling: tearful, fearful, angry
» Strangely calm/detached/distant
» Constantly needing to wash. Feeling you cannot get your body clean.
» Suicidal feelings
» Flashbacks and nightmares reminding you what happened
» Sleeplessness
» Feeling frightened of being alone and of being attacked again
» Severe mood swings including feeling hopeless and powerless
» Feelings of shame and self blame
» Feelings of isolation

      Most rape victims also deal with the feeling of Guilt. It continues to eat them up. They keep thinking that they should have done something to prevent the occurrence or they must have done something that caused them to be raped(self blame). but what you should understand is that it wasn’t your fault that you got raped. You’re simply a victim of the unfortunate incident and you didn’t in anyway deserve what happened to you. Stop letting guilt kill you inside.
      Also, most rape victims, especially male rape victims feel so ashamed to seek help. There is that fear of rejection, stigmatization, humiliation, being ostracized. Many are simply afraid that no one will belief them. the real truth is that no matter how strong you think you are, you cant deal with it on your own. You need help! The main step to moving on, as a rape victim, is getting trustworthy help. Don’t just keep all the hurt, guilt, pain, hate locked up inside. You’ll get a little relief by confiding in someone you can really trust, either family, friends, or seeking professional help. Telling someone and getting help actually helps liberate you from the extreme and vulnerable feelings that you get as a result of the incident. I came across this incredible site where rape victims and survivors share their stories and help each other move on. Its a very good way of moving on and being a survivor. Trying to move on is like fighting against ocean tides and drowning… you’ll need someone to pull you out.

      Rape is cruel and evil and victims most times can not help but feel hate and anger towards their abusers or even seek revenge. However, holding on to these feelings continues to remind you of the incident and robs you of the chance to move on.
    
        The golden rule of transforming from a victim to a survivor is ‘getting help’. Try not to deal with it on your own, please get help. If you feel no one cares or no one would listen, please Contact Me. I care, listen and do my best to help or link victims up with professional assistance.

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7 thoughts on “A letter to Rape Victims

    repoprimo said:
    May 28, 2014 at 8:53 pm

    thank you for writing your letter. I too am a rape victim I suffered military sexual trauma while I was in the Air Force. I exited the Air Force in 1983 and I’ve been fighting the affects of PTSD complex PTSD as well as other disorders due to the male sexual trauma that I suffered while I was in the service. I just started writing a blog about a year and a half ago but here ago more accurately. If you wish to see it go to hubpages. cancel that go to blogger.com and look for the title quotation about male sexual trauma and PTSD or look up to handle repo primo all one word on the handle. you can reply on my blog if you like to. Or you can email me at repo primo at yahoo.com. Forward to speaking with you if you desire. Have a good day and again thank you for your letter.

    my name is Gary like I said you’re more than welcome to contact with me I would like I would like to network with other victims.

    Liked by 1 person

      lotenna responded:
      May 28, 2014 at 11:22 pm

      Gary, thanks for reading and replying. im so sorry to hear about what you went through and your struggle with PTSD. i read your blog and was touched by the article ‘Veterans suffering in the shadows’. i admire your courage and your desire to communicate with other rape victims. i’ll do well to send you an email.

      Like

    askbs001 said:
    May 28, 2014 at 11:41 pm

    I wouldn’t exactly say most rape victims experience all those things because each person is different and each person deals with trauma and traumatic events differently. To generalize a whole group of people on how they “typically” react based on the 20% of victims who actually report their assaults is just a biased observation.

    I was raped. Sure, I was angry, upset, I cried, but did I blame myself? Not one bit. Why is it my fault that some opportunistic perverted freak followed me into my room when I was blackout drunk in my own house while trying to get to bed and proceeded to rape me? He shouldn’t have been there to begin with. I was in my own home. I did nothing wrong. Did I report it? No. Why not? Well, because there was no physical evidence, I was blackout drunk, it would have been a he-said/she-said situation and quite frankly I didn’t want to put my sexual history on blast since that’s exactly what they do in that type of situation. But, I’m fine. I’m a strong individual and I got through it. As did my younger sister who was also raped in a similar situation years before me. She didn’t report it either. Neither did my best friend. Who, again, is also fine.

    Not one of us blamed ourselves. I’m not saying victims don’t tend to blame themselves, but if most rapes/sexual assaults go unreported how can you say with complete certainty that this is the norm for how most victims feel? Maybe some just cope differently.

    I think by harping on how vulnerable people who have been raped are and stressing all the evils, hurts, and negatives you are just emphasizing the victim aspect. If you do this people will continue to be in a victim mindset. If you emphasize the positives like how they survived this, they are so strong, they can do anything, nothing can stop them then people will be more encouraged and will be more likely to move forward with their lives instead of focussing on the negative event that occurred.

    Yes, we were raped. It happened. But, that doesn’t mean we have to continue to let it control our lives by talking about it constantly. Nothing is going to take it back. But, moving forward and not letting it control your life makes it so the rapist doesn’t win.

    Liked by 1 person

      lotenna responded:
      May 28, 2014 at 11:57 pm

      thanks a lot for your enlightening comment. it is true that not all victims tend to blame themselves and that people deal with the trauma associated with rape differently due to personal differences.
      i must also commend your strength and courage to fight and move on.
      i wasnt trying to harp on the vulnerability or evils, i was only trying to outline why victims should seek help. many victims are dying in silence, thinking that they can get through alone. im just encouraging them to seek help. Survivors like you represent a great hope that rape victims can still get on with their normal lives.

      Liked by 1 person

    repoprimo said:
    May 31, 2014 at 4:02 pm

    Both of you bring up excellent points on many different fronts.
    I am finding that alot of the trauma I sufferred and the ways it is perceived and it effects me, is entagled in with my up bringing. I am learning that things that occurred during adolescence and rules of survival while growing up.

    When military superiors started threatening me, to prevent my coming forward, it set the stage for many other issues, and triggered a deeper sense of danger, which also ran lines of rules in my childhood home.

    In llater years After departure from the military, my life also suffered through three other significant traumas to be piled on top of my rape.

    The point I am trying to make is that although I was able to live in silence and fool myself into believe all was fine, below the surface; it really wasn’t. There were always unexplained out bursts of rage and depression, which surfaced seemingly out of the blue..

    I have heard of those whom were able to move past rape and live productive lives. If you are fortunate enough to be amidst one of those folks; I am very thankful for the peace you are experiencing.

    However there are many,whom are seriously feeling they are not going to be able to find the path to recovery; thereby they remain isolated. I know I stayed silent for over 30 years.

    Although I have been able to begin my journey to transition towards becoming a survivor, my heart breaks to know that others remain silent, and suffer a lonely existence.

    I wish all victims can find peace. I am fighting daily, on a minute to minute basis,to find and stay in a peaceful state. Again, I wish it to be stated; it’s not about just me. Or Latena or the individual, this is far larger than us. Denying that, to myself, and sitting idle in effort to get the others whom suffer silently, thinking there is no help is to me a shame.

    Even if you are or were able to fight for peace, within your self, there are others whom are not so fortunate. Even in my own pain, I have to share a story in hopes that others might begin their own journey towards healing. Sometimes it helps to know we’re not alone in our pain.

    Liked by 1 person

      lotenna responded:
      May 31, 2014 at 7:24 pm

      i totally agree with you, and also admire your passion for the well being of other rape victims. i have talked to many rape victims and one thing that is very common is that they try to deal with their emotions on their own. that way, hurting and suffering in isolation. if you come out and share your story with someone u can trust, and seek help, you’ll find it far easier to cope. my basic message is: pls, stop suffering in silence. Get help.

      Like

    Celebrity Gossip said:
    June 27, 2014 at 8:33 am

    Hello, This is one good post, thanks.
    Celebrity Gossip http://frontpagecelebrities.com/

    Like

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